


Coping

by bluejorts



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Depression, M/M, added: i will fuckin write a fic w autistic taako and ocd kravitz because i LOVE PROJECTING, hon ive been almost entirely without wifi in italy for a week so, im projecting a little but this is also v sweet, taako can be read as autistic bc of his pressure stims
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-11 01:59:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11704446
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluejorts/pseuds/bluejorts
Summary: Taako isn't doing too great.





	Coping

Taako lay as still as he could, eyes to the sky but spirits in a pile on the ground. Maybe if he didn’t move he’d stop existing, stop feeling. 

 

He held his breath. His heart pumped protest in his chest, reminding him that it wasn't going anywhere. Ugh. Maybe if he just held his breath a little longer he could just stop.

 

His head started to pound.

 

Just a little -

 

The air left him through his nostrils and was replaced. His heart, of course, just kept going. Could he learn any spells to remove it? To just, take it out so he could figure out what was wrong with it. Maybe if he was so lucky, the bad feelings would show as dark veins or spots of black. Maybe he could cut them out. Maybe that would help. 

 

Someone knocked on his door. Go away.

 

“Yeah?” He gave a falsetto of liveliness with just a pinch of irritation. 

 

“It's Kravitz? Can I come in?” 

 

“Kinda busy right now my fella, I'll catch you later though and we can make some magic.” It took his every atom of strength to sound upbeat and flirty. He couldn't bear the thought of sex right now, or even looking at himself long enough to make himself presentable. 

 

“Oh, well - there's not gonna be a later for a while, I have a big bounty I need to chase up and I just came to spend some time with you before I left.”

 

Taako wanted to sob with frustration and rip a pillow in half. There was this stupid part of him that just wanted Kravitz to come in and hold him, make him feel better. But he couldn't ask that of him! He couldn’t! It wasn’t fair and it would drag him down and he’d just worry when he didn't need to. He felt uncomfortable in his skin and his bed and everything was just so  _ wrong. _ He wanted to tear his hair out and rip his organs from his body to stop them from squirming - he wanted to thrash and cry and yell until his limbs were bruised and numb and his bed was a fucking bombsite.

 

He flipped onto his stomach and yelled into his pillow for Kravitz to come in. 

 

“Hey b- Taako what’s wrong?”

 

“I'm just tired, keep talking.” 

 

“You're an elf Taako, you don't get tired.”

 

“Don't be racist.” 

 

“Taako come on, I know you, I know when something's up.” 

 

“No you don't.”

 

“Okay, then help me out, let me know you. What's this that's happening right now?”

 

_ Stop being such a cliche! _ Taako screamed in his head but of course Kravitz couldn’t hear that (or if he could he was ignoring it). “I said I’m tired.”

 

“Oh, okay.” Taako thought he heard Kravitz walk out of the door and his heart plummeted into a cold, dark place of tar. But then there was a soft dip in the mattress at the end of the bed. “Is it okay if I sleep with you then? I just wanna spend time together, I don’t mind what we do.”

 

Taako felt a sob try to shake through him but swallowed it back. He nodded into fabric. His breath felt too hot and way too much in his face so he turned onto his side facing away from Kravitz and wiggled into a ball up against the wall. Kravitz lay down beside him, keeping a generous distance between them. Taako didn't want that, but he didn't know how to say. He wanted to be smothered, to be held and held tight until this hole in his heart filled up. He wanted to be grabbed or pushed or lay on, he actually wanted it to hurt just so he’d feel something other than this emptiness. Another sob. 

 

“Taako?” Kravitz sounded worried, oh no. No he didn't want that. No no. His gut twisted, full of cold guilt and confusion and a lot of green and yellow and blue. Sob. “Taako, hey? Do you need a hug?” 

 

The gentleness he asked with drew out the tears even further. Taako nodded. God he wanted that. He wanted Kravitz.

 

The bed creaked, Taako felt the covers shift around him as Kravitz actually lay under them. Then there was a cold hand on his waist and a colder chest pressed up against his back. Kravitz’s fingers twisted in the hem of his binder.

 

“How long have you been wearing this honey?” Kravitz fretted. Taako shrugged, he'd fallen asleep in it last night and hadn't taken it off since but he wasn't gonna tell Kravitz that. “Well if we're sleeping I'd really like it if you would take it off.” 

 

Taako really didn't want to. He didn't want to feel his chest against his arm as he lay on his side. But he really wanted Kravitz to stay. He wordlessly shifted to lie on his back and sat up. With a minute or so of carefully timed breaths and pulling, his chest hung free and he felt a sharp ache in his ribs. Maybe they were bending out of shape, wouldn't that be something. He lay back down, on his back this time, and shut his eyes against a stream of tears. Kravitz gently placed a hand on his shoulder, as if unsure whether he was allowed to hug him any more. 

 

“Lie on me.” Taako tried to ask. His words were a breathless whimper, and Kravitz hummed confusion. “Please lie on me?” 

 

“Oh, of course.” He lifted the blankets up and straddled Taako, his thighs cool and unclothed. (Kravitz was a tall teifling, but Taako as an elf was two feet taller easily. His torso was only as long as two thirds of Taako’s, and he sat on Taako’s stomach, cold radiating from clinging underwear.) He shifted and lay with his head over Taako’s left shoulder, chin nuzzled softly into the space where shoulder met neck. His weight was exactly what Taako needed, and the ever present clamminess was a bonus, it gave him something new to try to ignore as he attempted to sleep.

 

“Hey, Taako. I understand that you don’t want to talk about this, and that you probably want to get through it alone, but I'll always be right here for anything you need.” Kravitz’s voice was even less than a whisper, but his sensitive ears picked it up perfectly.

 

He smiled with a quivering lip and steady tears. “Thanks doll. I'll give you a holler if ever I need.’ He hooked his hands into the sides of Kravitz’s underwear. Kravitz’s fingers dug between him and the mattress to keep his hands in place on Taako’s waist. “But for now, the Taako train terminates at sleepy time station.” 

 

He felt Kravitz smile. “Sleep well Taako.”

 

Taako wasn't sure he could do that. But he would try. And maybe, just maybe, he’d wake up feeling okay.


End file.
